I Am the 1%

Here’s the long-awaited “working mother” post. I’ve avoided this topic, mostly, because I don’t fit in. I enjoy working. “Wait, what?! Don’t you have a kid?”

Facebook is great. I like keeping up with people and seeing photos of families and hearing of news that I probably wouldn’t otherwise. It also opens up all kinds of silent judgments, and for that, I often contemplate pulling back from social media. I don’t want to, so I don’t, but it comes to mind more often than not. Usually it just means I hide certain types of posts and be done with it. I know I still have that new-mom grace period so I’m allowed to post a kajillion photos of Wes everywhere, but I also wonder how many people have hidden ME because of it. Posts about wanting to stay home with children but can’t, posts about kids growing up too fast – all that – I just don’t fit in.

Maybe it’s because I have a job that challenges me and keeps me craving more. Maybe it’s because I love my coworkers. Maybe it’s because I’m working for a fantastic mission in the face of a cold and scary national reality. Maybe it’s because it’s pretty much my dream job. Well, I’m sure it’s all of these things to an extent, but the fact is, when I was pregnant, I didn’t think I would want to stay home fulltime. I had many people tell me I would change my mind, but I haven’t. Sometimes I feel guilty about it. Will Wes think I love my job more than him one day? Will it make me a worse mom?

Yes, my job is overwhelming at times. 2012 is my busiest year yet. Throw in a new logo design and launch, and you don’t have nails for the year. And yes, I am truly looking forward to family vacation in September and my dear friend Jordan’s wedding next weekend. They keep me going. Knowing that I have so much to look forward to keeps my pace. But I still don’t believe I would trade it for staying home. It’s possible my life may change, and I may look back on these times and think Past Me is crazy for not being home. And that will be another windy post.

While I’m on the podium, I’m also “weird” in the fact that I’m just not in love with the infancy stage of life. I know it’s supposed to be some of the best years – watching tiny people grow into little people in just a short year. Since Month 6, we’ve had much better sleep and a much happier baby, but I’m ready for him to do toddler things. GASP. I know, I probably will regret saying that in the near future. I don’t want to wish away his life, either, so I’m savoring what I can each day. But honestly, mothering babies is so competitive. Women are the worst, most judgmental people in the universe. And I know I struggle with envy of nice, rounded heads filled with hair on a mobile baby. Why does it even matter? ALL KIDS GET HAIR. MOST KIDS WALK. It’s not like Wes has a terminal illness. I am blessed to have THE cutest and most expressive kid on the planet (Mothers: judge away). And more seriously, I am blessed to have Wes at all.

All my needless worries about hitting developmental milestones melt away when I slap myself back to reality. Too many of my friends are facing some sort of fertility, pregnancy or special needs battle. And again, Facebook opens up a world of knowledge I wouldn’t know about people otherwise. Through social media, my heart aches even MORE for people dreaming and praying for strong, healthy children and mothers. How can I be so thoughtless?

I am the 1%. I’m weird and like working. I’m ready to tackle “terrible threes” (yes, I know it’s supposed to be “two,” but frankly, 3 is harder!). And I feel like the lone person in the world who doesn’t know how to best comfort and console a hurting, wounded or barren woman. However, I do know the immeasurable power of prayer, and you’d better believe my list is growing.

Posted: May 6th, 2012
Categories: Leah
Tags: , ,
Comments: 3 Comments.
Comment from Jillian - May 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

You are a great mom. 🙂 And I for one am thankful that you want to work instead of staying home so that I can stay home and take care of Lorelei and Wes! (Also: due to recent experience, I can highly recommend deactivating Facebook. I’ve rarely known such peace. haha)

Comment from Robby Slaughter - May 6, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Robby’s opinion on How To Be a Great Mom:

Step 1: Whatever choices you make endeavor to be good and be conscientious in making that choice.
Step 2: When in doubt or being judged, refer to Step 1.

You’re a great mom.

Comment from C Proven - June 18, 2012 at 10:59 am

When I see the Amish women and their slow orderly life I am envious too but then I love modern conveniences and get so much done-work kept my head on straight through all my trials and the school family was very supportive always….


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