Enter hormonal breakdown

You know how they say all brides have their breakdown day? Mine didn’t come until I was actually walking down the isle with my father. (Ask anyone who came to the wedding – they couldn’t even look at me without tearing up!) They don’t talk about breakdowns much for new moms. Hormones, postpartum blues, yes, but I’ve seen very little in pregnancy books on days when nothing seems to go correctly and you enter an exaggerated, ridiculous state-of-mind. I’m actually glad I allowed myself to reach this point prior to being in the hospital, but let’s just say I’ve seen better days.

The morning was actually pretty good. It was my first day working from home. I made a fruit smoothie and felt very proud of myself. I reply to emails in pjs. I took a shower – washed my hair, even – and got dressed as I would any other day. After doing as much as I could for work, I cleaned for a couple hours and allowed myself a nap. At this point, it was a good day.

I went to my follow up appointment this afternoon, which is where the trouble started. Remember my last post? I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going ahead with the “convenience induction.” I wrote it out to secure my decision. Well, after meeting with my doc today, the option was brought to the surface again. I have a killer Bishop score of 9, which says that things are progressing well enough that if induced on Wednesday, I would likely labor normally and have a baby by the end of the day. I honestly wouldn’t even consider doing this if not for the fact that my doc is ONLY on call this Wednesday during this week and won’t be again until NEXT Wednesday.

I am so torn: I feel like this is just a morality decision at this point. Meaning, Wesley comes under my terms, not my body’s or God’s… all for the sake of delivery with the doctor that I’ve known and trusted for these long months. Enter: hormonal breakdown.

I’m on the schedule for 6am, Wednesday, July 13, 2011, for an induction. I have until morning to decide if I want to cancel. I hate that I can’t have it both ways. I would love for my doc to deliver Wesley, but the chances of that happening if I labor normally are slim. Steven says it’s up to me, and that this decision is likely to be the easiest and most trivial one in all of Wesley’s life; however, he agrees with me on the hesitation for an induction based solely on convenience.

So, here we are. I’ve run out of tissues, and toliet paper is just gross and gets soggy too fast. I’m over being irrationally nervous about this decision, and I don’t want to waste the rest of my evening biting my nails. Likely I will call and cancel in the morning, but I do have the next several hours to really think about this. Perhaps Tuesday will be the Day Of Self-Induction Techniques and old wives’ tales so that my doc can deliver this baby!

Posted: July 11th, 2011
Categories: Leah
Tags: ,
Comments: 6 Comments.
Comment from Stephanie Daily - July 11, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Oh Leah, I feel for you. I remember feeling the same way about my doctor, but Kameron had other plans for me. I was released from work on a Monday, Tuesday I went into labor. The Doc that delivered Kam I had never met, it was very scary for me. It worked out just fine. Truth be told, the nurses do more work than the Docs anyway.

Comment from Carrie - July 11, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Poor cousin!! I’m sorry that you’re having to make this decision. I can offer no advice as both my babies were induced but not for convenience. There’s no shame in wanting to deliver with your doctor, though. Another added bonus is that you have zero risk of living through a busy, exhausting day and having your water break at midnight, then having to have a c-section at 6:00 the next night because you’ve been up for 36 hours and you just can’t do it anymore (as has happened to TWO of my friends). There’s also no shame in seeing if he waits to come until AFTER Thursday night so that you can watch HP7P2 in peace!!

Comment from Amy - July 11, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Oh Leah…my midwife always says that the momma has to have at least one good break down before she has her baby. It happens to everyone- it’s a rite of passage 🙂
Enter annoying opinionated friend advice:DON’T do the induction. I cannot tell you how many horror stories I’ve personally heard from women being induced. Not to mention the side effects it has on you and the baby. You won’t produce your natural oxytocin like you should, the baby will have more difficulty latching…
And it’ll make your contractions so much more painful! Who wants that?! And the artificially strong contractions could put him in fetal distress 🙁
Plus, every single day…every single HOUR that he is in there his brain and his lungs are developing. And at a much much faster pace than they will once he comes out! You gotta let him come on his own time when he is ready, and trust me I know how hard that is…I was 10 days late. And I had about 10 breakdowns in those 10 days 😛

Ok, off my soap box. You are gonna do great no matter what you decide. Pray about it and make what you feel is the best decision- you’re the momma and you get to decide! And little Wesley is one lucky fella! XO

Comment from Sabrina Kapp - July 11, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Leah, I have to admit that I had that choice, same reason, and was THRILLED to ‘control’ the process. So I chose induction and never looked back. Of course, anyone would tell you that I’m a tad bit of a control freak 😉 You will figure it out, but just know that induction isn’t the worst thing in the world 🙂

Comment from Lucia - July 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Oh honey. It’s okay. I’d say just let the baby happen naturally. Honestly you’ll be so out of it after labor that you won’t really care who is on the other end as long as they know how to catch. But whatever you choose, just remember that an induction isn’t bad for the baby, he’s fully developed, people do it all the time. Don’t let yourself feel guilty. At least wait until you drop him on the head a few times for that. 🙂 Also, I second Carrie in that it would be awesome if he could wait for you to see HP7P2 in peace.

Comment from Vanessa - July 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Well, I’ve been in this situation with my first! I was getting within a few days of my due date, with my doctor just getting ready to go on vacation, about 2 days after my due date. Decided to just let it go, and of course 5 days later…lol! Let me just tell you…I loved my doctor and was not looking forward to having anyone else…but trust me when I say- you will NOT care who is in there with you! I ended up having complications and with the other 2 kids I have been induced about a week to 2 weeks early and have done fine with those too. No c-sections. I will say that my doctor did the drip and some pill thing that is supposed to help, and then popped my water. I takes a long time for inductions- so if you go that route- give it time 🙂 Will be praying all goes well and safely for you and the baby! And just know with either decision, God is in control!


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